Springing Up

“This car smells like chicken feet,” announced my 4 year old daughter as she climbed into her car seat after preschool today.

“What do chicken feet smell like?” I asked her.

“This car.”

Then, she asks with all seriousness,” Have you been to a barn?”

I don’t know what she was smelling.  Maybe there was a McDonald’s chicken nugget under the seat somewhere. With all the fast food my kids have eaten between ball games lately, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Later that evening as I was getting dinner ready, my husband came in and had a similar inquiry.   ”What is that smell?”

“I guess it’s the broccoli,” I answered.  As I paused to inhale, I realized the kitchen did have a pretty offensive odor.  I proceeded to turn on the vent and light a few candles to see if that would help.

Nobody likes an offensive odor.  I think the worst is spoiled milk.  You know, when you’ve been missing your child’s sippy cup for a week and you finally find it rolled under the backseat, so you take it inside to wash it.  You brace yourself and take a deep breath in hopes that you won’t need to take another until the glob of congealed milk is safely down the drain.  You finally exhale and the rancid odor invades your body so fast you have to hold onto the sink to keep from passing out.

Most of the time when we think about offensive odor’s, it is someone else’s odor that comes to mind.  I don’t know how many times we have been on a road trip when all of a sudden, a repulsive smell blows my way.  I am now able to identify it without even turning around.  It is the smell of teenage feet when the shoes have been removed after basketball practice, and then slung over my seat.

Being able to recognize an odor is a skill that is developed.  My mom was a Montessori Preschool teacher, and one of the activities they did was to disguise different scents in various containers and have the children guess what they were smelling.  I guess it is an important developmental skill.

Recognizing the odors around us is pretty easy.  It is the ability to recognize the offensive odors that are coming from ourselves that can be a challenge.

I am typically a people pleasing kind of person.  A peacemaker.  I am usually not intentionally offensive, but none the less, when something has been harboring in my heart that is not pleasant, it eventually drifts out, causing an unpleasant experience for someone.

In 2nd Corinthians 2:15 it says, “To God we are the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are being lost.”

I am called to be “the aroma of Christ.”  What does the aroma of Christ ‘smell’ like?

Ephesians 5:2 says, “live lovingly, just as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us as an offering and sacrifice, a fragrant aroma to God.”

That sums it up pretty good.  Live lovingly.  Sacrificially.  That means putting others needs above my own.  Not claiming my rights to hold a grudge,  not being critical, but understanding, showing patience when someone is pushing my buttons, being slow to anger, quick to listen.  Honoring God in my thoughts, my words, and my actions, so that those around me ‘smell’ the aroma of Christ, not the offensive odor that is released when I walk in my flesh.

How do we do this?

Psalm 139:24 tells us to ask God to show us our odors.

See if there is any offensive tendency in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

How can we tell if there is an odor coming from us?  Are people backing away?  Are they comfortable and at ease around me, or tense and looking for an excuse to get away?  Are they attracted by your sweet smell, or having to hold their breath?

Which of these odors may be coming from you?

• Are you insisting you are right?
•  Being defensive, or taking offense easily?
• Acting selfishly and not considering the feelings of someone else?
•  Are you trying to  control someone by forcing your agenda on them or manipulating others to get what you want?
•  Getting satisfaction out of making someone feel guilty?
•  Nagging at someone?
•  Judging others, and failing to show  compassion or grace?
•  Holding a grudge against someone?
• Are you  bitter or resentful about something?
• Do you  have a negative attitude or tendency to focus on the bad versus the good?
• Are you putting on an act for others, refusing to open up and let them see the real you, faults and all?
• Are you  jealous of someone?
• Are you being overly  critical of someone, pointing out their faults instead of noticing their strengths?
• Are you discontent?  Never satisfied with what God has given you?

If you are honest, you probably identified several offensive odors.  So what do we do about them?  We are only human, right?  Yes.  But, that is why scripture says,”the aroma of Christ.”  Not my aroma.  It is by God’s grace and through placing our faith in Christ that we can walk and live by His Spirit, and overcome our natural tendencies and odors.

In the Old Testament, we read about how the people presented offerings to God.  If done as instructed, demonstrating a heart of obedience, then those offerings were a pleasing aroma to God.  The problem was they were temporary.  And how often were they truly able to present them with the right motives?  Just as soon as their sin was covered by the blood of a sacrifice, another one was needed.

God had a better plan.  There was only one who could be a truly pleasing and acceptable sacrifice, an aroma that was holy and without anything offensive.  The law was established to help us understand the holiness of God and the separation that existed between us. We needed to understand that He is a God to be feared, who has the power to create life, but also the right to judge.  But because He is also a God of great mercy and compassion, just like he provided a ram in place of Isaac when Abraham showed a heart of obediance and placed his faith in God, He has made provision for us.  All we have to do is trust in Him.

When we do this, we are freed from the law of sin and condemnation and he offers us the gift of His Spirit to guide us in a life that is holy and pleasing to Him, and a fragrant aroma to the world.

Ezekial 20:41 says, “When I will have brought you from among the people and have gathered you from the lands where you were scattered, I’ll accept you as a pleasing aroma. I’ll reveal my holiness among you, and the entire world will see it. 

Lord,

 Help me to never get to a point where I do not recognize the offensive way in me.  Reveal to me my sin, and help me to have victory over it by allowing you to work in me and change me.  Thank you that you don’t back away from me no matter how much I stink.  May my life be a fragrant aroma, and may I live it as a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to you.

Are you struggling with an odor that you can’t seem to get rid of?  Or, has God helped you recognize and overcome one?  Please share so we can learn from each other. 

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Let your eyes look directly ahead; fix your gaze straight in front of you.  Proverbs 4:25

I said something very similar to a patient I was working with this morning as we were walking down the hall of the rehabilitation center I work in.  His reply was,” I can’t.  I need to look at my feet to know where they are. If I look up I will lose my balance, and it makes me dizzy.”

I have been working in the outpatient department the last 2 weeks, which I am absolutely loving, BTW.  Several of my patients have vestibular processing problems.  Your vestibular sensation is what helps you know where your head is in relation to your body.  If you have ever gotten dizzy on a tire swing or gotten carsick, it is most likely because your body is having trouble processing this sensation. 

It is actually pretty amazing how God designed the eye to help us do this.  The eye functions like a tiny camera, taking pictures of the world and sending those images to the processing center of the brain.  Then the brain lets the body know where the head is and the body adjusts as needed to keep us upright or restore balance.  Every time we take a step, or even turn our head slightly, a new picture is taken.  When you spin on a tire swing, millions of pictures are taken!  Most people will tell you if you get carsick easily that you need to keep your eyes open and look out the window.  This is because it provides feedback to let your body know where it is, since riding in a car is confusing to your brain.  Your body is sitting still in the car, but moving with the vehicle.  This is also the reason you can balance better on one foot with your eyes open vs. closed. 

If you are getting older like me, and don’t go upside down like you used to, you probably are starting to get hypersensitive to vestibular sensations because you don’t use the system as much, and thus are not getting enough feedback.  I can’t even swing on a glider swing anymore without my head spinning!  How sad is that

For people who have suffered brain damage, either from a stroke, head trauma, or lack of oxygen at birth, they “get” how vital this function of the eye is. 

This week, I had 4 individuals who were struggling with being able to process the visual input from their world.  If they fixed their eyes in one place they were ok, but as soon as they moved their head, looked to the right or left, or even just moved their body, they would begin to lose their balance and get dizzy.  Many of them struggle with constant nausea and vomiting on a daily basis.  They are not getting the necessary feedback and as a result their body feels as if it is spinning with every movement. 

This morning as I was trying to explain to my patient that although it seemed easier and safer to look down at his feet, doing so was actually creating more balance problems.  By having his head down, his whole posture was affected.  It prevented him from extending his hips and taking good step lengths, thus narrowing his base of support.  It was also preventing him from learning how to balance outside of that narrow base of support.  This put him at risk for falling at the slightest attempt to reach or turn.

I needed him to  look up and trust me.  I needed him to focus on what was in front of him.  To listen as I gave him the much needed input and feedback to know what to do.  If he would fix his eyes straight ahead and take a longer step than he was comfortable with, I would be there to support him and help him regain his balance if he swayed.

Do you ever have trouble focusing?  Ever feel likes it’s a struggle to keep things in balance?    I do.  There are so many things vying for my attention.  Sometimes I get envious of my husband when it seems like he is able to fix his eyes on 1 thing at a time.  It seems like whenever I try to do that, things start coming at me from all different directions making me feel like I’m spinning on a tire swing.

“Mom, where’s my maroon jersey?”

“Mommy! Ty hit me!”

“Beep! Beep!”

“Kate, did you hear the timer go off on the oven?”

“Mom, Did you sign that paper I have to turn in? I need a check for $25 too.”

While that is coming at me from the outside, my to do list is also scrolling through my brain reminding me that Kamdyn needs a bath, bills need to be done, and laundry changed.

To stay balanced, I have to shift constantly between work, home management, the needs of my kids, my husband,  myself, and ministry to others.

In Physical Therapy, we use something called a tilt board to challenge our patients with their balance.  You have to move very slow and controlled to find the balance point, and even when you do, it is almost impossible to hold it more than a few seconds.

The life of a mom can be like this.  You work hard to achieve that balance, and just 1 thing added to the schedule can throw everything off.  There are so many things coming at us from different directions that we have to process.  It leaves us feeling overwhelmed, dizzy, or even agiatated.  Then we fall.  Our composure falls.  Our attitude falls.  Our patience falls.  Our belief in ourselves and what we are working hard to accomplish falls.

Whenever I fall, I usually realize fairly quickly what caused me to lose my balance.  I quit looking at my focal point.  I took my eyes off of the one thing that I need to keep me steady and I began looking to the left and to the right and in every direction but up.  I lost my focus.

I need to look up and fix my eyes on the one who  can direct me and give me the feedback I need to move forward with confidence.   He offers his hand to support me when I start to sway, and will walk beside me when He asks me to take a longer step than I am comfortable with.

Lord,

help me fix my eyes on you.

 Not only fix, but gaze upon you. 

 You are my steady place. 

Help me to walk upright and with confidence and to trust you more.

Gaze

To fix the eyes and look steadily and earnestly; to look with eagerness or curiosity; as in admiration, astonishment, or in study.

 Turn my eyes away from gazing at worthless things, and revive me by your ways. Psa 119:37

.Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the
joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the
right hand of the throne of God. Heb 12:2

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April 6, 2012

Ok, so you know how I was struggling with my thoughts and attitude at my daughter’s softball games?  Well, I was so proud of myself last night.  I sat through 2 games with a good attitude and was able to cheer for the girls and be supportive, and trust God as Kaylyn sat the bench for 2 more games.  (that was 5 in one week btw)

Maybe I did better because I changed my expectations and did not expect her to play. I also was trying to look at the big picture and see her purpose on the team as being that ‘back up pitcher’ to help out when needed. Previously she has always played outfield or 1st base when she is not pitching, so it is very hard for me to except that the team has lots of girls and the coach is only interested in using her as ‘the back up pitcher.”  This is hard for me as a mom, because it kind of feels like she is just being “used” when the team is desperate.  The hardest part is that she is not getting a chance to develop her skills as a player.  It’s not an easy thing to sit on a bench 5 games in a row and then have the skills and confidence to come in and do your job well when you are finally needed. 

Like I said, I did really well at the field, but by the time I got home I was struggling again.  “He should at least be letting her play right field some. She is not getting any at bats.  How is she supposed to improve or be at her best when the team needs her, if she is not getting a chance to develop.

That night as I sat on her bed talking to her about her aspirations/goals for the future, she said,” Well, college ball is out of the question. That is not going to happen.”

It broke my heart to hear her say that.  I remembered back when she was playing 10u and her team went undefeated, and she had written on one of her English assignments her goal to play professional softball.  Her idols were Cat Osteraman and Jennie Fitch. 

I tried to encourage her, but frankly I needed some encouragement myself.  I’m not sure I gave the best advice, as I said,” Well maybe you just need to play travel softball, and not play school ball next year.”  I hated seeing her waste her time sitting on the bench and not growing as a player, when she could be playing AAU basketball right now.

As you can guess, I did not sleep well again that night. The next morning I got up, and said, “God, forgive me for my attitude.  I want to trust you, and I want to be able to encourage Kaylyn.”  Then I decided to click on one of the online devotionals I read occasionally.  Knowing there wouldn’t be one for that day since it was Saturday, I clicked on the link for the one from the precious day. 

The title was, When Waiting is Hard. 

As I read it God gently reminded me of all the lessons He had been teaching me over the last few years.

•  God uses my time spent waiting to draw me closer to Him.
• My time spent waiting is not wasted, when I spend it on bended knee, allowing God to grow me.
• God uses our times of waiting as preparation.

I was reminded of a lesson I had just read about in my Bible Study.  How God had chosen David to be King, and how he was anointed but instead of immediately taking the throne, he was sent back to the fields to continue being a shepherd.  That he went through a time of waiting and preparation.  Then we see the story unfold as that waiting period prepared him perfectly to take on Goliath when the time came.  I was reminded that God’s ways are not our ways.  He accomplished His plans and purposes in His timing and in His way. 

I realized I needed to apply the same lesson as a momma.  Much harder.  Just like when I was dealing with the diagnosis of thyroid cancer last year.  It was one thing to come to peace with that for myself, but if it had been my daughter instead of me, I’m not so sure I would have done as well.

Whether softball is in God’s plan for her future or not, I want her to know that God is in control.  That her time on that bench is not wasted and if she will continue to seek after Him, no man can thwart His plans and purposes for her. 

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14

 ”Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24

Here is the devotion if you want to check it out.  (by Wendy Pope) Really good!

 http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/encouragement-for-today-april-6-2012.html

Here is the post where God taught me this lesson for myself.  How quickly we forget    http://springingup.net/solitude/

Ok..I’ve shown you this video before, but I love this song! 

 These are the words I would say video

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April 4th,2012

 Last night I tossed and turned all night because I was so frustrated about my daughter’s lack of playing time on her softball team. If there are any other momma’s out there that get into protective mode when they feel like their child is not getting a fair shake, then maybe you can relate to my battle of the mind last night.

Monday afternoon I drove all the way home from Nashville to make her game because I thought surely the coach would pitch her for that game, only to watch her sit the bench. I struggled the whole game with keeping my mind in the right place. I even texted my husband to pray for me. Then as I was talking to another mom, who I know has had the same struggles, I said,” Either I believe God is sovereign and in control, or I don’t.” I can’t sit her fuming at the coach or questioning his decisions (even if I do it silently in my mind.)  If I truly trust God, and believe he has a plan and purpose for my daughter, I have got to give this over to Him, and behave like I trust Him. He knows what He is doing. I don’t. He is more powerful than the coach.

 Well, the next night, another game.  Same scenario.  Same struggle.  Then the sleepless night last night. I would wake, and my thoughts would go straight back there. I would finally stop myself and ask God to help me trust Him and redirect my thoughts, and replace them with His peace.
The next morning instead of working through the Bible Study that I normally do (and spending time preparing to lead it for the next morning) I decided to check out an online study that I had been wanting to participate in, but wasn’t sure I could since I wasn’t finished with my current one.  Well, it was exactly what I needed to here that morning. It was on “letting go, and letting God.”

This is it if you want to check it out.

http://melissataylor.org/2012/04/03/let-go/

It’s not easy to “let go” of our worries or struggles.  We want to trust God with them and desire to experience His peace, but it seems like  just as quickly as we pray about it and hand it over to Him, we pick it right back up again, and go right back to worrying or letting it consume our mind.

 Later that morning while sitting in the lobby of my 4 yr. olds’ dance class God gave me an object lesson: 

 The lady next to me was holding a 10mos. old little boy, and he was playing the “dropsy” game with another little boy that was about 2. He would drop his little cow on the floor and the 2 yr old, trying to be kind, would hand it back. The baby would take it, then let go, take it ,then let go… This went on over and over, until the 2 yr old finally looked at him like, ” Why do you keep doing that, and then walked away.” As I sat next to them laughing, I thought, I guess that’s probably what God is thinking sometimes, when we let go of something, only to take it right back again.

 I know there are a lot worse struggles and issues than your child not getting any playing time, but I also know that the everyday life issues like this can rob us of our joy and peace just as easily as the big issues. And when I hold onto my frustrations, my hands are not free to give.  I am rendered ineffective.  I am unable to be supportive and encouraging to my daughter, and I am unable to ‘look to the interests of others’, like caring about the others girls on the team and cheer them on. 

Oh, and the most convicting part of it is the my daughter has total peace and trust in God as she sits the bench. So proud of her.

(BTW-she got to play both games this week, and did awesome:) )

Here are a few scriptures God has been using to teach me.

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.. Hebrews 12:1-2

But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign Lord; in you I take refuge..Psalm 14:8

 ”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  Isaiah  55:8

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.  Psalm 19:14

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“That is just ugly!” is a phrase I often use when my kids are being rude.

“That is an ugly way to act,” might be said when my 4 year old refuses to share.

Unfortunately it is also a way MY attitude could probably be described at times.

The title of the chapter assigned in my Bible study this week was When the
Uglies Come Out.  This is in the book by Lysa Terkeurst, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl.

  http://lysaterkeurst.com/becoming-more-than-a-good-bible-study-girl/

The uglies are pretty self explanatory; attitudes that are not very
attractive.  Rudeness, bitterness, self-pity, resentment, complaining, jealousy, discontentment, and the list goes on.

It is easy to see and be disgusted when it is someone else, but when it comes to recognizing our own ‘ugliness’ it’s not so easy.  We prefer to see our resentment as someone elses’ unfair treatment or lack of concern for
us.  We justify our jealousy and discontentment.  If we are rude, it is because we have to say it that way to be heard.  Self-pity?  Well, if someone else would take pity on us and show us some compassion, then we wouldn’t need to feel sorry for ourselves.  And complaining?  How else are we going to make sure others know what is or isn’t being done?  It the midst of our uglies, we are usually so focussed on being disgusted at others, that we fail to recognize the stench coming from us.

What triggers your uglies?

For me it is…

•  being falsely accused, especially when I am making a concerted effort  not to do something, and then someone accuses me of doing it.
• being disrespected
• being treated like I am stupid: talked to in a condescending tone
• people pointing out my failures instead of acknowledging my successes
• no one taking an interest in my day or how I am feeling, or in the things I am passionate about.
• my children fighting with each other
• being overwhelmed and feeling like I have not gotten anything done
• when someone says I never said something when I know I did
• When I feel stuck in a situation I don’t want to be in
• Not getting enough sleep

I better stop there, because just thinking about some of these things is going to start triggering me.

So what happens when I find myself in that ugly place?  I get bitter, resentful, irritated, depressed, anxious, and harsh.  I begin speaking my mind without self-control or any attempt to guard my tongue or coat it with kindness.   Instead I speak in self-defense and judgement.

Or maybe I do manage to hold my tongue, but I slip away and have a silent battle in my mind, saying everything I want to say but know I shouldn’t.  Maybe this is a little better, but not if I keep rehashing the situation until I’ve made it worse than it actually was, and in the process reminded my self of old wounds that are still there, giving me more reasons to fume.

Pretty, huh?

How does it feel?  Awful.  Nothing really gets accomplished.  I think if I voice all my complaints and grievences in this manner maybe I will be heard and others will realize their wrongs, but when I ‘act’ when I am in this ugly place, nothing good is ever accomplished.  Instead several hours of my day are wasted and ruined.

So, then what?

I have a choice to make.  I can keep dwelling on my situation or I can decide to gaze upon God.  I can choose to keep rehashing how I’ve been mistreated or misunderstood or I can acknowledge God’s  presence and look to Him to show me His perspective in the situation and let Him redirect my thoughts and attitudes.

I can keep sulking and hang onto my bitterness or irritation, or I can
choose to begin praising God by remembering His presence, His goodness, His love, and His patience toward me.  When I do this, I am convicted of my wrong attitudes and as I confess them, He offers His grace.    My perspective on my problem is shifted to His perspective and He can begin teaching me and bringing me back to a place where I can reflect His beauty.  The ugliness that had consumed my heart is washed away.  The heaviness and the burdens that were just there are lifted, and my soul is able to spring up again.

My family thinks I am much prettier this way:)

 I have asked one thing from the LORD; it is what I really seek: that I may remain in the LORD’s Temple all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD; and to inquire in his Temple. Ps. 27:4

Splendor and majesty are before him; might and beauty are in his sanctuary. Ps.96:6

 ”She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will present to you a crown of beauty.” Prov. 4:9

God, create a pure heart in me, and renew a right attitude within me. Ps. 51:10

What triggers the uglies in you? (please no names:)

How does God get your attention when you are stuck in this place?

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A miracle just occurred in my living room!  My preteen son hugged my teenage daughter good night and she let him! There was no, “Get off me!” and he did not ruin it by purposely messing up her hair. OK, there was a laptop between them, and the embrace was like a half hug, and she did say,” Don’t breathe on me and get me sick,” but it was said calmly with no rise in decibel level.  Victory!

Earlier in the evening my husband made the decision to let them stay and hang out in the gym at church and ride home together while we went on home.  I thought he was crazy, telling him they could not be together for 5 sec. without arguing, so how in the world did he expect them to be safe riding in a car together.  (My daughter just got her license last week)  He assured me he had threatened them both to keep their mouths under control if they wanted to stay longer. I was reluctant, but submitted to his decision.

They got home on time, and came in peacefully, with the only comment being that my son assumed control of the radio during the drive.

Fast forward to an hour later…the hug.

I am totally at a loss for words.  My husband and I have been at our wits end trying to figure out how to deal with their attitude toward each other.  There has been a complete lack of any trace of love or respect for each other.  They are total opposites, and have no tolerance for each other.

Yesterday after my daughter’s basketball team just won the Regional Championship, we all got into the truck to head home, and they immediately lashed out at each other over nothing, which led to my husband losing his patience and basically letting them know how sick he was of their behavior, which led to both of them breaking down in tears and us driving home in silence instead of celebrating the victory.  I was frustrated to say the least.  I wanted to “fix it” but was at a loss as to how.

I still am, but tonight, I am just going to celebrate this small victory.  The Regional Championship victory was worthy of celebration, but this hug between siblings is a much greater victory in my book.

If you have any words of wisdom for dealing with sibling rivalry, please share!

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